The Ex – Abuse, Assault & Rape

*WARNING THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING*

As I mentioned in the About page I was emotionally abused, sexually assaulted and raped by my ex boyfriend. This was some time ago now… 2 years ago actually.

So, we met on Facebook and I had no clue who he was or anything like that. I didn’t really like him but I was polite and responded to his messages anyway. At the time he was looking for his best friend, some girl I went to school with. After 2-3 weeks of talking he alluded to the fact that he had romantic feelings for me and that he thought I could be “the one”. Somehow we ended up dating, literally because he just wanted to and told everyone – including me, and he never asked me out or anything. I was a little frightened because someone wanted to date me and didn’t ask if I wanted to as well. I admit that I did just let it go ahead, if it doesn’t work I’ll end it. It seemed, in theory, like the way to go. After like a week or two dating he started saying he loved me and couldn’t live without me. Which was INSANE. I barely knew this person and he barely knew me. I didn’t say it back because i didn’t know the guy and that’s when the trouble started because he lost his shit at me. Like full on raging at me about it all. I didn’t know what to do, This was just full on and I didn’t know what love what that was just a mystery to me – I was young, never dated anyone or anything.

It only escalated from there. He was extremely aggressive and made me do a lot of things I didn’t want to. We had to call every day but I was the one who had to waste phone credit and I went over my phone plan so much. He started dictating my friends, getting incredibly jealous of people i was friends with and the things  I would do – total control! He would get so angry at me if I didn’t tell him exactly what I was doing or how long or where or anything. He hated my friends (which were mostly guys) and thought I was cheating on him. I tried everything to break off the relationship with absolutely no success. I tried to talk to him as little as possible but it just made him angrier.

On Valentine’s Day that year, I was busy with my mum and I had told him I was going to the mall with my mum and I would be busy. He ended up showing up and took me away from my mum and said he wanted to spend time with me. We sat on one of those couch bench things that were there and he starting making out with me and I was like awkward about it all and just anxious. I hate doing those things in public because it’s just impolite. I convinced him to walk around, where he wanted to hold my waist or my hand and be all touchy feely about it all. He ended up taking me to the underground carpark and started sticking his tongue down my throat, and his hand down my pants – all in public, and he would not stop for anyone passing by. He told me it was his turn and I had never in my life touched a dick before, or knew what to do and also WE WERE IN A CAR PARK! I never touched his penis because he changed his mind – and by this I mean he wanted to go find somewhere to have sex. I tried so hard not to. I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing and it was honestly such a shit day.

Towards the end I started trying to not talk to him as much as possible and was always looking for a way to break up with him and he decided that in order to fix our relationship we needed to have sex and simplest form I can say is that he raped me in a disabled toilet in a restaurant in the middle of know where. It was awful and we dated two more weeks after.

I actually didn’t want to go out with him. He had invited me to a family picnic thing that I did NOT want to attend. Nothing wanted me to go. I was going to just say that my parents said no and then clean all day. He then rang my parents and asked them and they thought it was a great idea. We got lost on the way to this picnic cause it was near some gardens place – not really sure where abouts. Because we got lost, he was already in a shitty mood. But he held onto me and wouldn’t stop touching me when I got there. I was already anxious for a number of reasons. The first being that it was his entire family, extended and all and I had never met any of them. The other reason I was so anxious was because there was food and I had strangers telling me I needed to eat. On top of that, I had a guy I didn’t like who wanted to have sex with me touching me every chance he could. Now I went to a bench at first to try and calm myself down. But he followed me and sat pretty much on top of me and his family followed and asked me a shit tone of questions. I gave up and went for a walk alone to just think and be with my thoughts. He followed like a puppy. Then he used me as a human shield against a snake – like I’m not phased by snakes but seriously calm down. We ended up going to this park bench and he just went straight for it, sticking his hand down my pants and his tongue in my mouth with people walking past. After about 20 minutes of this, he decided that privacy was needed so we could have sex. Now by that point it had started raining so his family went inside to the restaurant in front of the gardens place. We went inside and I thought it would be all clear but no. When we ordered the drinks, he pulled me into the disabled bathroom. Because I don’t want to get into too many details with this part, he had sex with me, against the wall, and it hurt a lot. I just closed my eyes and let it happen. When we went back to the table where his family was, he put his hand on my upper thigh and sat close to me. On the way home I just put on music and said nothing to my mum, and later that night I went out with my family for dinner when all I wanted to do was cry and die.

After that he said he owned me, that he wanted to do it again, and that he would.

When we broke up, he started tormenting me and messaging me and called me a slut and a whore and wouldn’t leave me alone. He hacked into my Facebook account and messaged my friends saying that I was a horrible person and deserved to die.

A Recovering Survivor 

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