I thought that I would write about what life is like as an anorexic. Now this will be from my worst time period and I am not as vicious as I was. The time frame for this behaviour is about October 2015 to May 2016. I lost roughly 15kg at the beginning of that time frame and kept it off from about November until right up to December last year. please do not read this post if you will follow the strict plan I created for myself – it is merely to educate the horror of an eating disorder not to glorify it.
5am – Alarm, roll over in agonising pain
5:10 – out of bed and go to the shower. Think about what’s for breakfast “toast”
5:13 – 100 sit ups, 100 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 1 minute wall sit, 1 minute plank, 100 star jumps, 20 lunges/leg, 50 leg raises, 20 V sits
5:30- freezing cold shower. Convulsing too lose an extra 200 calories. I would get out bruised, purple and shivering all for weight loss.
5:40 – get dressed into the warmest clothes I could find that would hide the exercise bruises.
5:45 – tip the toaster over a plate to get the crumbs out so it looked like i had breakfast and take all my meds
5:50 – sit on the couch for about 15-20 minutes until I think that i am too lazy and do another 100 or so sit ups
6:45 – leave for school
7am – drop off my little brother to before school care, then walk around the school, and the suburb until it was class time. If i didn’t walk around the school, I would go to a classroom and do over an hour of exercise which was a 7 minute work out up to 5 times over and over.
8:20 – class would start and I would jiggle my leg, stand up and walk around the classroom non stop. between classes I would do laps of the stairs and go the longest route possible.
11am – first break. I kept on the move. If a teacher asked where my lunch was I would say that I’m eating it next break etc. I was always moving and if I wasn’t moving I was standing.
11:30 – classes until lunch, same thing – standing, walking, moving.
1:30 – Lunch time, I wouldn’t eat and would keep moving. Always moving or standing
2:10 – class time again. Usually by now I was exhausted so I would stay seating so I could walk home.
3:30 – I would walk home (1km) and quite quickly as well.
3:50 – I would go and do more exercise. Usually sit ups right up until 5pm. I was determined to not get fat.
4:30 – sometimes at 4:30 i would go for a 5km run if I felt I hadn’t done enough that day
5pm – chore time. So i would take a break until after dinner. By 6pm, I was looking at pro-ana websites and looking at thinspo pictures.
7pm – I would always be served dinner and immediately start cleaning the kitchen. I would barely sit down at all.
8:30/9pm – this was homework time. I would still move my legs and walk around in 5 minute incraments.
9:30 – I would take a break and brush my teeth until I bled. Quite literally.
10pm – TV watching time. Usually nothing really intense.
11:30 – Bed time but by 12 I was exercising or overdosing on codeine so that I would throw up in the morning and be sick.
3am – I would finally go to sleep.
If I stayed home, I would exercise, I would always be moving and lying and moving always. there was no time to stop.
Eating disorders are addictions. Horrible addictions just like alcoholism, heroin, and whatever else. They rewrite a person’s personality and everything about them. You become so fixated with food and losing weight and I don’t really know why I did but I was so young that no one even noticed.
A Recovering Survivor