This quote is from the novel Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. In the book, which is also a movie staring Emma Watson, Charlie asks his English teacher why nice people date the wrong kind of people. Which is prompted from the fact that his sister is in an abusive relationship.
But the quote itself I think speaks truths so much so in the book so much so in life. When looking over my own life and my own experiences I can’t help but feel that because I never loved myself, I ultimately ended up in an abusive relationship. My parents don’t love me and I didn’t know how to love myself, how to love others and like most people, I have to learn. It is actually extremely common for a child who was emotionally abused and neglected by their parents to either become an abuser themselves or form relationships with abusive spouses. It is also a contributing factor to why I was bullied in school for so long.
That is why the quote is so fascinating… It’s like any kind of self-image contributed by external factors impacts on how you let others love you in return. People are so complicated like that. I mean, if you can learn to love yourself, it actually decreases the chances of other people stepping all over you. It’s important to remember.
I have come a long way. I still see myself sometimes as fat as a whale, but at least I’m getting food into my mouth. I actually do have some pretty good days now. And I don’t entirely hate photos of me NOW. Still hate the ones from like years ago cause I look gross AF. But I think I’m starting to love myself. It’s slow. Really slow and sometimes I hate myself and get angry at myself. But allowing myself to be loved by an amazing guy. Who loves me and cares for me and who just is amazing. and I love him. He’s so great. That’s why I can start loving myself, because I finally have someone who is showing me how.
A Recovering Survivor