An “Interesting” Run In

I work in a supermarket and I only did a 3 hour shift tonight – hate working late nights. At about 5:50 I had to serve my ex. Now he works at the local cinema so I have seen him, I always ignore him based on the overwhelming anxiety and panic he causes me every time i see him. Anyway I had to serve him and I said nothing because I was trying not to DIE. After I served him i excused myself to the bathroom  –  thankfully I had an understanding supervisor tonight. I had a severe panic attack and was left crying in the bathroom in our break room frantically messaging Dean so he can help calm me down. On my return I had found out that my ex had complained about my service skills and complained about my rudeness towards a customer…


Now I am the least skilled person in this situation because I’m a numpty who has no skill. But it got me thinking. The guy who made my life miserable and raped me in a bathroom stall looked me in the eye and told me in my face as i silently served him that I still loved him deep down, that I use people and that it’s my fault he’s been miserable.

What the actual fuck!?

I have some questions for you…

How does it feel?
Does it eat you alive?
Do you spend nights awake thinking about it?
do you feel guilty?
would you do it again?
how could you do it once?
how did it make you feel?
did it give you power?
what were you after?
what did you want?
did you get it?
did you care?
do you care now?
Cause I am sorry but I can’t accept that I am the only one who suffers from this. I feel like it’s unreasonable for me to need the counselling and have to live especially when I just stood there. I got no enjoyment from it and I’m still suffering years later. Who came up with this fuck storm? Not only that but I have to hide away in the break room having a panic attack because you are blaming me for breaking up with you? Can people not be dicks?
This was only a rant, maybe another later
A Recovering Survivor

About Recovering Surviver

Hi, I am a Recovering Survivor and I'm not the only one...
This entry was posted in Rant and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s