Recovering From My Own Disaster, and subsequently Recovering Survivor, came from a walk actually. I was going for a walk cause I enjoy that occasionally, especially when I need to think or have alone time and this walk got me thinking (thanks to a Taylor Swift song) about what would have happened if I had stayed with my ex. He was a controlling abusive shit and I was extremely miserable and it took everything to leave someone I never loved or even liked. The thought of that scared me, but also made me realise just how lucky I was to get out and be able to get to a point where I can recover mentally and physically. I was heavily addicted to prescription drugs at the time and have had countless suicide attempts and whilst I didn’t create the mental health problems or the abuse or anything, the way I handled it through drugs and alcohol and self harm – that is my disaster. I have had to build myself up and on my own for a while. I think that sometimes people quite often do that though… I started seeking help before I started recovering. Getting help from psychologists and therapists didn’t start my recovery journey. That step was encouraged by my now boyfriend Dean. When I met him I was in this dark place that I created because I’m the one who didn’t learn how to effectively seek help and treatment, maybe only because I don’t trust people openly. I know that what happened to me wasn’t my fault – but I created the disaster and I am responsible for myself now; to recover, to be healthy, to live. So I am recovering from my own disaster. The disaster being my mental health.
The name “Recovering Survivor” ultimately comes from a similar place however I don’t want to be a victim. I recently saw a video on Facebook about a set of twins with an alcoholic, abusive father. Now one of the son’s became an alcoholic himself and said that it was because of watching his father, whereas the other became successful and when he was asked what drove him there he responded “from watching his dad”. Now the video ends with an image of the two boys and the alcoholic one is a victim and the successful one is a survivor. That impression there is what I ultimately want to advertise in a way from these posts. I am a survivor now… That doesn’t mean I always was because I took to drugs and alcohol and shut everyone out. I think I needed it in the end because I am always helping others and I want to show my ex and my parents that I’m better now and I’m okay and that they can’t hurt me anymore.
So there you have it: Why I chose both the blog title and the screen name. In other news I was thinking of creating Story pages in order to explain the different aspects so that new followers won’t have to scroll through posts like this to understand.
A Recovering Survivor